Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Intermission No.2, or "Why I don't believe in astrology"
I've got no excuse not to update (besides general laziness) because I finished papers on the 12th and 13th and have twelve days until my final paper, Introductory Macroeconomics, on the 25th. Thus, for lack of a better topic, I've decided to write a long overdue post about a pet peeve of mine: Astrology.
Being a people rooted in culture and the superstitious beliefs that come with it, at least half the Malaysian population take astrology seriously, and probably an additional third are actual, devout followers of the (pseudo-) science. I know, some read the horoscope sections in newspapers just for kicks and others arrange furniture according to Feng Shui positions just because they don't have any better approach to interior decoration, but the aforementioned third of the population take it a bit too far; it doesn't seem sensible to me, at least not at the moment, to go out and buy thousands of ringgit worth of gold-leafed ornaments and crystal balls to put at unseen corners of your house (where the trinkets are on display for the spiders and ants and lizards to see) in the hopes of warding 'poison arrows' or 'bad energy'.
Astrology and its ilk are lucrative businesses. In a world rife with technology, many yearn for the nostalgia of good-ol' fortune telling; hence the multi-million dollar success (or failure, depending on when you look at it) of the American Psychic Friends Network or our homegrown World of Feng Shui by Lillian Too and her daughter, Lillian Three... I mean Jennifer Too. I guess for those who have found science and technology lacking, superstition is their best alternative.
World of Feng Shui conveniently links its advice to pages where you can order the required phoenixes and crystal balls online.
However, I no longer find any reason to refer to astrology except for amusement purposes. There was a time when I was the resident Feng Shui genius of the Yin family (thanks to a series of books lying around the house plus a twelve year-old's curiosity and memory), but that time has long gone. Like most studies based on superstition, belief and faith (religion included), Feng Shui was self-contradictory. In one of the books I read, it said that it's good for some people to place their back doors facing a certain direction, and in another, it said that that certain direction was universally known as the "devil's back door" and hence to be avoided at all costs; both books were written by the same author, and published in the same year to boot.
Western astrology is also riddled with the same problems. But unlike Feng Shui which normally asserts to be correct and incontrovertible, astrology likes to cover all its bases just in case its assertions were wrong. Take this typical Friendster bulletin horoscope, for example:
Outgoing: Most of the time.
Lovable: I think so.
Spontaneous: Definitely.
Not one to mess with: Hmm...
Funny: Am I funny? Yes I am! At least, I'd like to believe that.
Excellent kisser: You'll have to ask my ex-girlfriend about this.
EXTREMELY adorable: You tell me. But I was cute, once. About 15 to 18 years ago.
Loves relationships: Definitely, but I just don't get enough of them.
Addictive: Like Vicodin to Gregory House.
Loud: OF COURSE I'M LOUD! DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU?
Lookie here, I fit nine out of ten of the above traits. That's 90% accuracy! Shit, this astrology thing actually works!
Except that I'm a Leo, not a Gemini:
Their Love is one of a kind: Thanks, astrologist dude!
Silly: Yup.
Fun: Yup.
Sweet: If sugar is sweet, I'm bloody Aspartame, and then some.
Have own unique appeal: I am double-jointed, can draw, write, sing, act, exercise now and then, and am somewhat witty (My friend, Benjamin Lee, is wittier than I); do I fit this bill?
Most caring person Ever meet!: Grammatical error notwithstanding, I'm not sure of this either.
However not the kind of person you wanna mess with...: Hey, this sounds like what a Gemini should be!
u might end up crying...: Boo hoo hoo.
Let's see... I fit seven out of nine of the traits a Leo should have; that's about 78%. What the heck? Does that mean I'm more Gemini than Leo?
Seriously, the next time you see these kinds of astrological tests, jump straight to a zodiac sign that's not your own; chances are, you'll find most of the traits fitting you (unless you're something along the lines of a sociopath internet child predator...then go see a shrink). That's what I meant by Western astrology covering all its bases.* Heck, even the words they use are ambiguous on purpose; I mean, everybody have their "own unique appeal" (even if you're a sociopath internet child predator), plus what in the world do they mean by "Not one to mess with"? I also doubt that, 35 years ago, the English language was already butchered to the point that 'you' have been replaced with 'u'.
And, to sum it all up, that's the reason why I don't believe in astrology. Gravity and quantum mechanics always work the same way, day after day, but astrology twists, turns and contradicts itself. I'll stick to real science for now, thank you.
PointlessFact Footnote of the Day:
*Compare this to Feng Shui, which always states that putting any luck-attracting trinkets at the aforementioned "devil's back-door" (the Southwestern direction, incidentally) is the pseudo-scientific equivalent of getting yourself screwed. The contradiction comes when, according to your kua number, the Southwestern direction turns out to be your most auspicious direction; if you put said trinket there, will you be 'activating' the back-door or your auspicious direction?
Being a people rooted in culture and the superstitious beliefs that come with it, at least half the Malaysian population take astrology seriously, and probably an additional third are actual, devout followers of the (pseudo-) science. I know, some read the horoscope sections in newspapers just for kicks and others arrange furniture according to Feng Shui positions just because they don't have any better approach to interior decoration, but the aforementioned third of the population take it a bit too far; it doesn't seem sensible to me, at least not at the moment, to go out and buy thousands of ringgit worth of gold-leafed ornaments and crystal balls to put at unseen corners of your house (where the trinkets are on display for the spiders and ants and lizards to see) in the hopes of warding 'poison arrows' or 'bad energy'.
Astrology and its ilk are lucrative businesses. In a world rife with technology, many yearn for the nostalgia of good-ol' fortune telling; hence the multi-million dollar success (or failure, depending on when you look at it) of the American Psychic Friends Network or our homegrown World of Feng Shui by Lillian Too and her daughter, Lillian Three... I mean Jennifer Too. I guess for those who have found science and technology lacking, superstition is their best alternative.
World of Feng Shui conveniently links its advice to pages where you can order the required phoenixes and crystal balls online.However, I no longer find any reason to refer to astrology except for amusement purposes. There was a time when I was the resident Feng Shui genius of the Yin family (thanks to a series of books lying around the house plus a twelve year-old's curiosity and memory), but that time has long gone. Like most studies based on superstition, belief and faith (religion included), Feng Shui was self-contradictory. In one of the books I read, it said that it's good for some people to place their back doors facing a certain direction, and in another, it said that that certain direction was universally known as the "devil's back door" and hence to be avoided at all costs; both books were written by the same author, and published in the same year to boot.
Western astrology is also riddled with the same problems. But unlike Feng Shui which normally asserts to be correct and incontrovertible, astrology likes to cover all its bases just in case its assertions were wrong. Take this typical Friendster bulletin horoscope, for example:
Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictions. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line.Here's the obligatory note (inclusive of grammatical errors) which tells you that the bulletin is totally legit and true; how can it not be, if it was written 35 years ago? Anyway, let's proceed to the interesting part:
GEMINI - The LiarFirst of all, ignore the 16 years of bad luck thing; going by my history, I must have gazillions of years of bad luck by now. Of course, I should also have been killed by undead zombie girls or evil chainsaw-wielding men a long time ago, but I digress. Now, let's see if the above applies to me:
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, Addictive. Loud. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
Outgoing: Most of the time.
Lovable: I think so.
Spontaneous: Definitely.
Not one to mess with: Hmm...
Funny: Am I funny? Yes I am! At least, I'd like to believe that.
Excellent kisser: You'll have to ask my ex-girlfriend about this.
EXTREMELY adorable: You tell me. But I was cute, once. About 15 to 18 years ago.
Loves relationships: Definitely, but I just don't get enough of them.
Addictive: Like Vicodin to Gregory House.
Loud: OF COURSE I'M LOUD! DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU?
Lookie here, I fit nine out of ten of the above traits. That's 90% accuracy! Shit, this astrology thing actually works!
Except that I'm a Leo, not a Gemini:
LEO - The Coolest oneNice to everyone they meet: I'm nice to a fault at times, my mom tells me.
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, Fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person Ever meet! however not the kind of person you wanna mess with... u might end up crying... 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost.
Their Love is one of a kind: Thanks, astrologist dude!
Silly: Yup.
Fun: Yup.
Sweet: If sugar is sweet, I'm bloody Aspartame, and then some.
Have own unique appeal: I am double-jointed, can draw, write, sing, act, exercise now and then, and am somewhat witty (My friend, Benjamin Lee, is wittier than I); do I fit this bill?
Most caring person Ever meet!: Grammatical error notwithstanding, I'm not sure of this either.
However not the kind of person you wanna mess with...: Hey, this sounds like what a Gemini should be!
u might end up crying...: Boo hoo hoo.
Let's see... I fit seven out of nine of the traits a Leo should have; that's about 78%. What the heck? Does that mean I'm more Gemini than Leo?
Seriously, the next time you see these kinds of astrological tests, jump straight to a zodiac sign that's not your own; chances are, you'll find most of the traits fitting you (unless you're something along the lines of a sociopath internet child predator...then go see a shrink). That's what I meant by Western astrology covering all its bases.* Heck, even the words they use are ambiguous on purpose; I mean, everybody have their "own unique appeal" (even if you're a sociopath internet child predator), plus what in the world do they mean by "Not one to mess with"? I also doubt that, 35 years ago, the English language was already butchered to the point that 'you' have been replaced with 'u'.
And, to sum it all up, that's the reason why I don't believe in astrology. Gravity and quantum mechanics always work the same way, day after day, but astrology twists, turns and contradicts itself. I'll stick to real science for now, thank you.
Pointless
*Compare this to Feng Shui, which always states that putting any luck-attracting trinkets at the aforementioned "devil's back-door" (the Southwestern direction, incidentally) is the pseudo-scientific equivalent of getting yourself screwed. The contradiction comes when, according to your kua number, the Southwestern direction turns out to be your most auspicious direction; if you put said trinket there, will you be 'activating' the back-door or your auspicious direction?
