Sunday, June 18, 2006
The Bum! Or The Most Fun I've Had Blogging Thus Far
It's a koala!It's a sloth!
No! It's... The Bum!
Temp worker by March (and April and May), and the Bum by June... After his job at Synovate ended, Zhen Yao transforms into the world's laziest (not-so-)superhero, the Bum, unleashing himself upon the unsuspecting Yin household!
Lazier than a couch potato, as fun to watch as decomposing radon! See how the Bum saves the day from excessive action through ingenious utilisation of gross inactivity, every week!
He plays the computer! He surfs the net! He watches every single episode of Friends! He even eats his meals in the comfort of his own bedroom! Can you match the sheer laziness of the Bum? Can you? If your answer is "yes", or a very enthusiastic "maybe", well, drop him a line, he's on the lookout for sidekicks (tentatively named "Slackerboy")!
Sadly, like how Superman has Kryptonite and Men have Wives, the Bum's greatest weakness is...
The Mom! Yes, if not for the Mom, to whom the Bum has, by default, sworn undying loyalty, the Bum would have long achieved his lifelong dream of being the world's most sentient vegetable! The Mom coerces the Bum into partaking in travesties which we call social events, along with help from her evil henchmen, collectively known as the FAMILY Unit! Just last week, the Bum was dragged to a camp by the FAMILY Unit's Little Sister, under duress, no less!
Oh the horrors the Bum had to face! The blasphemies which are the antitheses of the Bum's very existance! Socialising! Sweat! Oh God no, not Exercise!!!
The poor Bum was made a mockery of! He couldn't slack. He couldn't rest. It was a grand conspiracy to strip the Bum of his powers! The camp participants nominated and elected him as Assistant Camp Warden, the Metta group made him Leader by virtue of his age, and the dreaded Committee threw in his way games and duties and... Sorry, I can't bear to go on...
In summary, the Bum-personality was pushed aside, and his alter-ego, Zhen Yao, the crazy, hyperactive, excessively enthusiastic whackjob with a severe condition in the mouth-shutting department, emerged for the duration of the camp!
Thankfully, throughout all this, the Bum was adamantly lying dormant in a metaphorical cocoon within Zhen Yao's amygdala, patiently awaiting the right moment to reemerge as the equally-metaphorical moth (Butterflies are sissy!). Immediately after the camp, it was back to long periods of inactivity. Hence, the Bum managed to regain his well-deserved dominance over the body, and Laziness prevails once more!
Once again the day was saved, thanks to the Bum! And soon enough, it was back to computer-playing, net-surfing, every-single-episode-of-Friends-watching, eating-meals-in-the-comfort-of-his-own-bedroom-ing gross inaction!
If that's not a (not-so)superhero we can be proud of, I don't know what is. Tune in next week (no promises!) for more gross inaction of the Bum! Specially brought to you by Lays; "Bet you can't have just one!" ™
DISCLAIMER: No names have been substituted to protect the identities of the people mentioned. They (He) really don't need it.
